• Brandi Nikkale

evolution of singleness

I am not the same single girl I was when I really started my journey of being intentional about my season of singleness.

When I started writing Living Single in 2017, it was because I needed a book about how to operate in my singleness. The only books I found about singleness were about how to be a wife or why singleness is an awful curse. The books also were rarely written by people that looked like me (Black women).

I had no clue that I was in for a wild ride when I started my Living Single journey but here we are.

I have been hopeful.

I have been heartbroken.

I have been confused.

I have been desperate.

I have been bitter.

I have been sad.

I have been attached.

I have been detached.

It has been quite a journey.

As I prepare to cross the threshold into my 32nd year of life, I am yet again in a new space.
This one feels like revelation.
This one feels like healing.
This one makes all of the others feel meaningful.

I am finally open.

I don’t know that I can go as far as hopeful…I have to be honest, I don’t have an abundance of hope.

However, I am willing. I am intentional. I am available if the right person comes along.

My heart has been softened.

I feel like a younger happier version of myself.

The Brandi that exercised caution but didn’t shut people out.

The Brandi that received love, admiration, joy, and friendship as her birthright.

I am not and likely will never be the Brandi that loved with reckless abandon.

I am realistic and I understand that some changes impact you forever.

But I am a wiser version of her.

I am open to love the right someone deeply, completely, honestly, openly.

Emphasis on “the right someone”.

I have dated…a lot over the years. So much that I now know what I want.

I am still unwilling to settle for anything less than someone who fits me in every way.

I am not looking for a perfect man…just one that is perfect for me.

Every man that I date is not “the one” just because I enjoy him or we have chemistry.

Every man that looks good on paper/checks the boxes on my list of desires is not “the one”.

But with each date, I have become more and more clear on exactly what I’m looking for.

I am not desperate for a man, boyfriend, partner. I once was but I am not anymore.

The evolution of my singleness has taught me to be more thoughtful, a little more cautious, more realistic, determine what I truly want in a relationship and a partner, stop settling, and understand that I am worth every single thing I desire.

What has your evolution of singleness taught you? Comment and let me know.

To close this thing out, I found this note in my phone that I wrote a few weeks ago.

It’s not a poem.

Just a collection of thoughts that speak to where I am.

I wouldn’t say I’m ready for love like India Arie
I’m not hopeful about it or super optimistic in my approach
But I’m open to it.
That’s new for me I can remember being CLOSED OFF. SHUT DOWN.
This speaks to the need to acknowledge your progress.
Since deciding that I’m open to it, an abundance of it has poured in.
I am drowning in it.
Actually I’m floating in it.
I feel certain that I can handle it…
And certain that I can handle the reality that it may never surface
But if it does, I’ll be available
Cautious, guarded, maybe a little detached but available in all my flaws
Available in all my deficiencies
Love is perfect….shouldn’t that cover me if I’m not?



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