this card keeps coming up for me…at least twice a week.
each time, it hits me right in my center.
i never saw myself as someone with control issues.
i am very much a live and let live kinda girl for the most part.
i let people do what they will do and i respect everyone having a choice to live their life how they see fit.
but what i didn’t take note of was how in control i have to be at all times emotionally to feel comfortable and safe.
i was not controlling others or trying to control my environment but i was OVERLY controlling myself. policing myself.
i was holding so tight to my emotions that my knuckles were turning white.
i needed to loosen my grip.
i needed to learn to let go of the emotions so that my hands would be free to hold the things that were more purposeful.
I let go of my grip on my emotions and now i have more capacity for love, laughter, learning, healing, growth, knowledge, friendship, romance, the list goes on.
loosening my grip also freed up my ability to deal with other people from a genuine space.
having my emotional barrier up all the time meant that i spent a lot of time holding on to feelings because I didn’t allow myself to process them.
once i started processing my feelings in real time, i started healing in real time.
a lot of people and things that i was holding onto because i felt attached to them….i wasn’t. i just needed to loosen my grip and allow myself space to process.
when you don’t process things, they remain in a stagnant state. things don’t move because you have confined them to a mental box that you stick in the back of your emotional closet.
your emotions aren’t moving forward. your emotions aren’t moving backwards. you aren’t reflecting or unpacking.
just sitting in the same spot crying because you can’t decide if you’re heartbroken or in love.
Loosen your grip. Let that shit go. All of it.
Winter has passed. Allow the river of your emotions to thaw and run again.
Trust me.
You will be better.
You will be happier.
You will be freer.
Loosen your grip.