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The Other Side of Lonely

Drowning is one of the scariest concepts to me. To reach up and up and up as you feel yourself running out of air. That was me and as I approached 30, I found myself succumbing to the waves, allowing them to take me over. I decided that maybe this was just my fate. Thank God that it wasn't.

If you have been with me for a while, you know that I turned 30 recently. As I approached 30, I found myself drowning in loneliness. I had began to isolate myself in bitterness, attempting to create distance so that I could soak in the loneliness. I jokingly told my friends to refer to me as Mara, the name Naomi told everyone to call her to symbolize her bitterness. I was setting myself up for a decade of lonely feelings as I went into my 30s "still single".

On July 1, 2020, 10 days before my 30th birthday, I decided to write down what I wanted for myself in my 30s. I wrote pages and pages of reflections about my 20s (good and bad) and hopes for my 30s. One recurring feeling that I identified from my 20s was romantic turmoil and disappointment. I had an expectation of lonely feelings in my 30s as my biological clock continues to tick and I see the dating pool becoming more and more shallow. As I wrote, I decided that alone would not be lonely for me. I changed my mind.

I made a decision that I would spend my 30s on the other side of lonely. I built a wall brick by brick separating me from loneliness. I sat with my back against that wall for days, grieving my permanent divorce from loneliness. The tears I cried after building that wall watered the ground on this new path. This is how I know there will be growth on the other side of lonely.

On the other side of lonely, I found the peace of knowing that no matter who I don't have, I have myself.

On the other side of lonely, I found the freedom to move how I choose to.

On the other side of lonely, I found my creativity running wild waiting on me to show up.

On the other side of lonely, I found friendships full of romance. (If you haven't had romantic friendships, you're missing out)

On the other side of lonely, I found confidence that requires no validation.

If you are alone, you don't have to be lonely.

Breathe through that shit.

Write through that shit.

Talk through that shit.

Sing through that shit.

Dance through that shit.

Walk through that shit.

Go through that shit.

Grow through that shit.

Comment below and let me know how you are getting through that shit.

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Allante Chapple
Sep 13, 2020

I love the transparency shared in this post! Allowing others to ride the wave with you as you share your growth journey and assure them that they are NOT alone is a for sure sign of love and I'm here for it! You know I know the truths and struggles and can relate in many ways as I am also at peace with being alone however, open to welcoming a partner. I am most happy seeing you happy during this time and being able to watch you flourish in this space as you dance through this shit is EVERYTHING! You've ALWAYS been HER. And as you shared, she was just waiting for you to SHOW UP! & you not only…


Sep 04, 2020

I'm coming up on 31 and been single for 6 years. I went through all the emotions over the years loneliness feeling not good enough return if the mack season came through lol. But in the end I did learn to enjoy myself my peace of mind and getting to know myself even more. I still get lonely at times mostly because I want more kids but I also don't mind waiting for the dope ass person that's out there looking for me.


Sep 01, 2020

I haven’t been following you long. This is my second blog post I’ve read, dopeness. I appreciate your vulnerability and the power in your words! I’m turning 30 in October. So I’m gathering myself lol. I feel the shift! A toast to growth! -B


Kiara Swanigan
Sep 01, 2020

I'm sicka dis shit. Lol

I'm approaching 30 as well and there has been major shifting. But I am hopeful that it's for the better.


Sep 01, 2020

Wow, just wow! I mean for me this is special because I have been talking myself through things. I mean everywhere I am I create space to pull me back together. It gets urgent like that Where I can’t wait until my prayer time or the midnight hours, who I must say knows me best! I talk myself through the pain, the tears, etc. I’m done feeling it, I’m ready to see the other side of pain. Thanks for this. Much love.

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