top of page
  • Writer's pictureBrandi Nikkale

three hats.

A lot of you know that i am in school working on my doctoral degree.

In many of the introductory classes, one of the questions that the instructor asks is

“tell me three hats that you wear.”

Every single time, I feel my heart race a little bit and I have a moment of

“wtf am i going to say?”

I know 95% of the class will start out with “I’m a mother/father and I’m a husband/wife/partner.”

I don’t find fault in that being a large part of their identity.

However, it makes me think “what if I said I’m a single woman” instead of attempting to conform by saying something about being a dog mom or a friend or a daughter?

Does our identity have to be tied to others to matter?

Do we need the validation and appreciation of others to be a complete being?

Does the connection to someone else have to be one of our three hats?

For those of you who know me, you know that I am big on relationships and community.

I moved across the country to have more community so I am not saying that our ties to people are not important because they absolutely are.

However….do we have to base the sum of who we are on other people?

Is it okay if my three hats simply have to do with who Brandi is?

Am I allowed to celebrate the singular wholeness of who I am?

Can my hats include being a single woman, a writer, a Black feminist, a teacher, a lover of the arts, a bibliophile, a baddie?

Or do I have to mention “Hey somebody loves me too!”

Is the old adage true?
You’re nobody until somebody loves you?

Comment below and let me know what three hats you would use to represent who you are.


Brandi Nikkale

50 views1 comment

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page