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  • Writer's pictureBrandi Nikkale

when self-care feels like a burden

self-care is what we do as millennials.

it’s our thing.

we are committed to it.

as millennials, we are also an extreme generation of humans.

whatever we do, we do it to the furthest possible extent.

we take it serious and we demand that everyone around us do too.

in many ways this is a beautiful thing.

in other ways, this is an exhausting thing.

self-care is a buzz word that our generation has latched on to and it is a beautiful thing to see.

our generation is intentional about our healing, we are going to therapy, confronting our trauma head on no matter how painful it is, we are exercising and eating cleaner, getting regular facials and massages, taking sick days when our bodies and minds request rest, looking out for our future selves, expressing our emotions, journaling, treating ourselves to nice things to celebrate the beauty of life, and romanticizing even the most mundane tasks to make everything feel beautiful.

we are the self-care generation and i love that for us! i truly do.

keeping in mind the extremist thing i mentioned, sometimes we have self-cared so much that even the self-care feels exhausting. this is the reality that no one talks about…that even self-care might be a bit much somedays.

every now and then taking care of ourselves and giving ourselves that tender loving care is too much. and we often guilt ourselves. how dare i cancel my spa day when i need to be self-caring?! why on earth do i feel more exhausted after doing all of my self-care tasks that should make me feel on top of the world?

i am writing this in the hopes that i am not alone in this feeling and to affirm for myself that it’s okay to hit pause. self-care is necessary and important and i can need a break from even that. both things can be true.

in my self-awareness journey, i have come to realize that i am a very black or white person. i do not like to exist in grey areas too much. however, i am beginning to see that i have to leave a tiny bit of room for grey. there are situations like this one where two things can be true.

you can be the queen of self-care and need a break.

you can do your typical self-care activities and not feel fulfilled by them.

it happens.

in a generation of extremes, understand that the middle ground still exists in some areas.


  • open yourself up to some new self-care activities and practices if your normal ones aren’t working. switching it up may help you find new ways to fill yourself up.

  • pivot. when you change, your way of life changes. what you needed yesterday is likely not what you need today.

  • pull the covers over your head. only once in a while….if you need to shut it all out and just focus on your survival, hey…it be like that sometimes. try not to let it become your default but sometimes, we need to just pull the covers and pillow over our head and focus on breathing and existing. that’s okay.

self-care when you can.

self-preservation when you must.



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