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  • Writer's pictureBrandi Nikkale

How Single Saved Me

Updated: Oct 27, 2019

I can remember being 18 with a boyfriend and several young men waiting in line for him to mess up. I remember thinking that life would be like this until he or some other extremely lucky man scooped me up and married me.

Single was NOT a thought!

Life changed quickly. I went off to college. My boyfriend at the time was sentenced to 10 years in prison. Just like that *snaps fingers* I was single. Sure the line of men was still there along with a few new potentials from the college scene but I was heartbroken, busy, and just didn't have the time or energy to put into a new relationship. While I have had some semi-serious and serious situationships, I have not been IN A RELATIONSHIP since I was 18. Up until I was about 27, I saw this as a failure and as an indication of my worth.


I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started being thankful for this season of freedom (if you are looking for the step by step on how I started this process, check out my book - linked at the bottom). Being single has allowed me to:

Travel with friends without having to choose between my friends and my man

Date and learn what I like and dislike in a man

Have my own physical space/live on my own

Spend lavishly on myself without having to consult anyone

Move across the country

Quit jobs that don't suit me and chase my passions without having to justify it to anyone

Learn who I am independently of another person

Had I become who I thought I wanted to be at 18....a serial relationship girl, based on what I know about myself (I am a people pleaser by nature), I would be buried beneath the expectations of a man. I would be his best version of Brandi. Now, because I know myself intimately, because I've had strengthening and challenging experiences on my own, I can enter into a relationship and eventually a marriage confident that my worth is not determined by him and that I am bringing my best self to the table.

Thank God I'm not 18 year old Brandi.Thank God for evolution.Thank God for single.

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