Would you consider yourself picky? I used to. (And when I say "used to", I mean until like yesterday lol). When men would ask me why I was single, that was one of the reasons I would give. Then I seen a meme online (lol yes a meme) that said "I'm not picky. I just know what I want." and in my mind, I was like "Hmmmm….same thing." Well I decided to look up the definition of picky and I realized….not the same thing. I am not picky. I just know what I want.
What's the difference? Picky is excessively fastidious (concerned about detail). While I am concerned about the details of a man I'm entertaining , I am not excessive. I was once upon a time though. Where do I draw the line about what is excessive? See a few fun examples below:
I know these examples are funny but I know I can relate to this level of excessive pickiness. I also know I'm not alone *clears throat*.
What's my point? Draw the line between being picky (excessive) and knowing what you want. I often get the question from other single women "How do I know when I'm being too picky or I need to bend on my list of desires in a man?" or "What's the difference between settling and compromising?"
The difference lies in your list of non-negotiables vs your list of wants. As a single woman, you should have both. This doesn't have to be anything intense. You don't have to hang it on your wall or post it on your Facebook on the 1st and 15th of each month. For some people, it’s a mental list. I personally suggest writing your list down. It gives us a reference point and writing "it" down (whatever the "it" is) is a major part of manifesting what you want in life but I'll save that topic for another blog. Your list of non-negotiables are just that…the things that you absolutely must have in a man. Your list of desires include those non-negotiables but it also has your "nice to haves". You can think of these "nice to haves" this way "If he has everything else but he does not have ______, I can live with that." I've provided an example below. This example is fictional and probably won't reflect your list but use it as an example of the types of differences you might see.
So on this fictional list, if I have a man that has all of the non-negotiables but he's 6'1 and he doesn't know how to cook, does that mean he can't get the time of day? Probably not because the height requirement and cooking skill aren't part of my non-negotiables.
I encourage you to make your lists. What is non-negotiable and what is nice-to-have? Only you can decide what makes it to both lists but this will keep you out of the excessively picky mindset and into the "I know what I want" mindset.
What's on your non-negotiable list? Drop a comment and let me know!
XOXO,
Brandi Nikkale