• Brandi Nikkale

This Aint What You Want

Do you really know what you want?


The last blog that I wrote was about people pleasing. After writing that blog, I have been spending a lot of time unpacking the impact of my previous people pleasing behavior. Once we stop people pleasing, I think it is worth reflecting on how people pleasing has influenced my decisions, choices, and actions. I have always wanted the things that I felt that I should want. As a result, I have found myself with answered prayers/wishes before and not felt the joy that I expected from it. This was because the answered prayer/wish wasn't for me. It was an expectation that I was meeting. And as a result, I would be resentful when people weren't celebrating my wins with me the way I expected them to. The resentment was present because the win wasn't for me. I was winning for them and how dare they not celebrate OUR win that I had achieved for them?!?



One major question that I am committed to answering and that I am hoping you will commit to answering for yourself is:


"What do I really want?"


Of course I can quickly answer this question on the surface but if I think about this outside of the expectations that other people and/or society has for my life, do I REALLY want the things that I have been saying that I want for…my whole life? Or do I want to meet expectations and please those around me by meeting societal standards? I am not challenging you to answer these questions because you want the wrong things but just so that you are clear on what's best for you and so that you can make decisions that are in alignment with that.


Evaluate the things that you have on your life long to do list. Below are a few questions that I am asking myself. Keep in mind that answering these questions is tough and it probably won't happen overnight. Don't force it. Pull out your journal and write these questions down and start to free write how you feel. Don't hold back on yourself or censor what you write. Just write without second guessing yourself.


1. Do I want a relationship right now? If the perfect mate came around right now, would I be ready?

2. What do I require from a relationship?

3. Do I desire marriage? For what reasons? When? If I met the perfect person but he did not want to be married, would that be okay for you?

4. If I do desire marriage, what kind of marriage do I want?

5. Do I want children? For what reasons? When? If a perfect man came along but did not want kids, is that a deal breaker for me?

6. What kind of career do I want?

7. Do I desire entrepreneurship? Why?

8. Do I want to buy a home?

9. Do I want a new *insert new thing that you've been contemplating*? Why?

10. Am I in fulfilling reciprocal friendships/relationships? What does a fulfilling relationship/friendship look like to me?