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  • Writer's pictureBrandi Nikkale

Use Your Singleness to Change Lives

Updated: Oct 27, 2019

I know the title is dramatic.

Flow with me for a little bit.

As single women, most of us are dating....looking for the "the one". We are often looking for Mr. Right but in the meantime entertaining Mr. Right Now.

Mr. Right Now: A man that you know could never be the one but is a suitable placeholder in the meantime.

While talking to Mr. Right Now we often take screenshots of all the things he says that prove why he could NEVER be Mr. Right to send to our girlfriends and giggle. We usually give him a few good conversations, a date or two, and maybe some casual sex if the mood strikes or if that's what you're into. At some point, because he isn't "the one", he says or does something that just ends it for you and depending on our communication style, we either (1) tell him to stop calling because we aren't interested no mo', (2) block his number like he never existed, (3) fade away slowly until he gets the point (this is usually my strategy).

Do you know what we rarely do?

We very rarely tell that man what the problem is without attacking him. Heather Lindsey is one of my favorite authors/preachers and in one of her videos, she talks about how the man that is an absolute NO for us is another woman's husband. Think about that. Do you want your future husband to be a bitter beat down man because he's been used, mistreated, blocked, and cussed out by all the women he pursued? I'm willing to bet you don't.

Let me get to the point....

We can (as human beings) have such a profound impact on others based on how we leave them. (Write that down, write that down). When I was a school teacher, I used to tell my students to leave the room better than they found it. Let's make an effort to leave people better than we found them.

How can we do that?

1. Treat him kindly. Just because he is not for you doesn't make him trash. If he is indeed trash (lol), you don't have to stoup to his level and be trash as well.

2. Be honest but not harsh. Explain why you couldn't deal with his communication habits, his inconsistency, his inability to listen. By doing this (nicely) you can help this man grow and be better for whoever he encounters next. (Of course he must choose to take this advice but at least you've done your part). Don't think it's any of your business how he behaves with the next woman? I have one word for you: karma.

3. Tell him something good. In college, I learned about an effective feedback strategy.

Compliment --> Constructive Criticism --> Compliment

Tell him something you appreciate about your time together. Was it his sense of humor? His spontaneity? His attentiveness? Remember that he is a human with feelings just like you. You never know what the future holds and if, how, when, or why this man might reappear in your life. And again....karma.

Imagine if we all (both men and women) treated each other this way? There would be a lot less baggage and bitterness being carried into our new relationships.

I can't guarantee that every single woman will read this article or that men are getting this same message somewhere but we can start with ourselves. Give it a try sis.

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