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  • Writer's pictureBrandi Nikkale

Valentine's Day: Why Not Me?!

Updated: Oct 27, 2019

Let’s have a transparent conversation. Valentine’s Day is a dreaded day for a lot of singles. Everywhere we look there are proposals, lovey dovey posts, and couple centric energy. It is a holiday that celebrates love and as single women, we often feel like it is a holiday that we cannot celebrate because we don’t belong to a couple. However, love has no boundaries and it is not confined to romantic love. I encourage you to celebrate any and every one you love this Valentine’s Day, including yourself.

More importantly, I want to talk about contentment with where you are on this Valentine’s Day.

As a single woman, up until a few months ago, I always equated being in a happy relationship or being happily married with my worth as a woman. I thought that if only I was good enough, I would have someone and if I’m being honest, it would upset me to see other women (ones that I felt weren’t doing the spiritual and emotional work that I was doing to grow) in relationships and/or getting married. It was baffling. I spent countless hours talking through this with my friends.


After several conversations, much prayer and emotional digging, and confirmation from one of my virtual mentors, Heather Lindsey, I had a perspective shift. Marriage is not a reward for checking off the boxes of being a good woman. Just like single is not a punishment, marriage is not a reward. Marriage is the divine connection between you and another person. God does not work on our timeline. He is always going to arrange things for the greater good. If you have some purpose you need to reach as a single woman that will help bring people closer to Jesus, that has to happen before you get married. If you and your husband need to show what black love looks like after both of you have experienced heartbreak or trauma, God has to work through that with you before he can bring you together. That woman that is happily married and you don’t understand because she was a mess before she got married?? Her marriage might have saved her life. Maybe her greatest growth and potential had to come through her marriage. Maybe she has a child that desperately needs a solid father figure that they wouldn’t have had otherwise. The point that I’m making is that your singleness is not because you are not enough or because you haven’t checked some box that qualifies you to be a wife. God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the called. When it is your season, it will be your season because it is for you. That’s it and that’s all.

So what should you do with this information? Have peace. What is for you will not pass you by. It is already yours.

On Valentine’s Day, love on yourself, your family, your friends. Love hard on those around you and rest assure that you are exactly where you are destined to be today and everyday.


Brandi Nikkale

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