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  • Writer's pictureBrandi Nikkale

What Are We? Setting Intentions

Updated: Oct 27, 2019

Intention:something that you want and plan to do; an aim.

If you are dating, have dated in the past or have even watched movies about dating, you have asked or heard the common question:

“What are we?”

This is a question that single women often find themselves asking after we have been dating or talking to a man for some time and we are ready for the next step in the relationship. I have recently had several conversations with women about when the right time is to ask a man this question. I have also had several conversations with men about this question and how it makes them feel when asked.

After intense research, when is the right time to ask the ever anxiety inducing “What are we?” question? NEVER.


If you have to ask, you already know the answer. Men are natural pursuers. A man that desires the next level of relationship with you will pursue the next level of relationship with you. After talking to several men about the “What are we?” question, one thing rang true in all conversations: you cannot force a man to be ready. Even if you persuade him to say he is ready, you will not be happy with him if he is not truly ready. A man that is ready and knows that you are the one he wants will be sure that you know and will take the steps necessary to make sure he doesn’t lose you.

How do you avoid getting involved with a man only to find out that he doesn’t want anything at all?

Start every relationship with the intention conversation. As a single woman, I am approached by plenty of men on social media, dating sites, at events, etc. When I come across someone that I am interested in and they ask me out on a first date, I always ask “So what are your intentions?” I usually ask this before the first date even happens to avoid wasting anyone’s time. If his answer does not align with my intentions or interest, I can respectfully decline and move on. If his answer does align, I can move forward with him confidently knowing that we are looking for the same thing. This doesn’t mean that we are definitely going to be together or work out but at least we have the same aim so I know that if we have been dating for 6 months and we are going nowhere even though he said he was looking for a relationship, I can adjust my actions accordingly.

As you think about intentions, what are your intentions when you meet new men? Comment below or join the conversation in our Living Single Facebook group! Think about what you want so that you can be ready to verbalize it should you meet a man you are interested in.

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