I have been single practically my entire adult life.
I have dealt with some men seriously but I have been technically single since I was 18.
Wild right? Right.
What does this mean? I have been dating on and off for a long time. I have probably been on 100 first dates or more. I have probably had hundreds of first conversations/FaceTime dates, etc. I have some horror stories, a few comedies and a few really great stories of very successful dates.
I have learned one key ingredient to having fun while dating and it is this…lean in close…..turn the radio down….
ONLY DATE PEOPLE THAT YOU LIKE.
I know this concept sounds simple but if you have been actively dating for a while, do a quick mental check and think about the people you have dated. I am sure you can find a person or two in there that you didn't really care for but:
"He's so nice!"
"He texts back fast."
"He keeps asking."
"I really want to try this restaurant and he wants to take me!"
"I'm lonely and he is available."
I've done this before. Most of us have. And as much as it may feel okay in the moment, it only ends up irritating us in the long run.
Why?
At some point, you end up needing to choose between making an investment of time, money, and/or energy that you don't really want to make because you don't really like this person or having to find a way to break it off with them awkwardly without saying "I never really liked you. I was just bored." but also not ghosting them because we grown and we don't do that (mmhm stop ghosting people sis).
Benefits of Dating People You Like:
1. You don't mind investing. When you date people that you like, you don't feel irritated by spending your time and energy on them. You look forward to time spent with them. You don't mind if the date runs a little past your bedtime because you are actually enjoying them.
2. Good karma. When you date people you don't like, often we are using them *cringe* for our own selfish reasons. You don't want someone to do that to you so simply…don't do that to other people.
3. Less Irritability. When you are dating someone you don't care for, everything they do bothers you. If they chew too slow, you mad. If they don't capitalize the first letter of their sentences in their texts, you turned off. If they tell you they like all flats instead of drums when they order wings, you rolling your eyes. Do you know what I've found? When you really like someone, those little things are simply background noise.
Brief story time: I went on a date with a man and I mentioned to him that I don't know how to swim. His response: "That's fucking adorable." I am lacking an entire life skill while living near large bodies of water in an earthquake prone state. I probably deserve a stern lecture but because he actually likes me, that just made me more endearing. You get where I'm going? I hope so.
4. Longevity. We talk about Single > Settle a lot here and I am never going to stop saying it sis. If you choose to ignore all of this and date someone you don't like, it may last a while….you may even go on to marry them and have a house full of babies but imagine how quickly the contentment will disappear when you don't like a person. You may respect them and even be able to tolerate them but how is that enough to sustain something that will fulfill you long term? Not likely.
So sis, I implore you...date people you like and that like you back. You deserve.
