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  • Writer's pictureBrandi Nikkale

Go Solo

Updated: Oct 27, 2019

“Sometimes you gotta ride solo” – The Game

As a woman #LivingSingle and as an only child in my household, I am no stranger to enjoying my own company. I love to go to the movies, dinner, hiking, and exploring by myself. However, one thing that I have never been willing to do alone is “go out” (clubs, lounges, parties).

I am originally from Michigan. I moved to Los Angeles almost 5 years ago, built a social network and made friends and then moved to San Diego a year ago. So I am starting over again. I’ve met lots of guys but making female friends is a little more challenging (not impossible but challenging). Well a few weeks ago I heard about #NeoSoulTuesdays in San Diego and after looking it up on Instagram, I knew this was exactly my vibe! So for 2 weeks, I sat home on Tuesday night wishing I was there. LOL!

Yesterday (Tuesday, February 19, 2019), I stopped wishing and made a decision. I woke up and wrote in my planner “NeoSoul Tuesday – 10pm”. Anyone that knows me knows that if I put it in my planner, it’s happening. So I got dressed, took selfies, ordered a Lyft and I went SOLO. I didn’t know anyone there. I didn’t invite anyone to go with me. I just went.

Pre-Event Selfie

I had the time of my life. The going out Gods shined on me from the moment I decided to go. The weather was great, my outfit was a great fit and didn’t need to be ironed (I hate ironing), my makeup didn’t give me the blues, my Lyft driver was amazing and played great music. I walked in with all confidence ready to have a great time. I met several new people, including one of the artists from open mic that used to live in my hometown! The vibe was perfect and when I was ready to go, I left…not a moment too soon or too late….without having to wait on anyone or negotiate. It was so liberating!

Do you know what else I noticed? Men were much less hesitant to approach me while I was alone. I have heard from several men in conversation that when we are surrounded by our homegirls, they are hesitant because they don't want to feel silly if we turn them down. I actually had a man ask if he could sit at my table with me where we had amazing conversation and got to know each other very well. He was only in town for the week so I politely declined further contact but that didn't make the interaction any less pleasant.

In life as a whole, if we wait on other people to do everything we want to do, we will be waiting for the rest of our lives. I encourage you to get out and do something on your own in the next 30 days. Come back and comment and tell me about your experience! I’ll be waiting!

Not sure how to find events? Let me tell you what I did!

1. I began following hashtags on Instagram that had to do with my personal interests. (examples: #SanDiegoNightlife #SanDiegoMelanin #SanDiegoExperiences #SanDiegoEvents)

2. I followed some of the lounges and nightclubs that I knew of in the area. They will often post their upcoming events and when something sparks my interest, I bookmark it.

3. Check and do a keyword search for what you are interested in (examples: jazz, neosoul, black singles, networking, women empowerment) to find events and conferences.

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Feb 25, 2019

Im glad you had an amazing time! Sometimes we do get so discouraged when it comes to going to places alone. But ive realized that not all the time you will have someone available or even interested in the places you would like to go. Those are great tips to find new places to go. I watched an Instagram live with a makeup artist giving tips on how to network and she gave those similar tips. I think they are great tips for people to go places or network without it feeling like a chore. See you next blog!

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